What You Didn't Know

A friend of mine told me that he and his wife were having a baby, and I was so excited for him. You could see the excitement in his eyes, the sheepish pride of the fact that they were even pregnant, and all the hopes and dreams that come with your first baby on the way.

I remember all of that, though some days it seems a million years away as Evan sits here telling me that the last song we heard had drums and a guitar in it, and that a certain cartoon is "Borwing", and as he actually writes his list to Santa within the practice lines of his notepad as long as I spell the words for him. Three years and 5 months ago, we held this little bundle of hope, of love, and of happiness, and couldn't be happier. It was the best day of our lives, and still is.

Since then, I've tried very hard to not give unwanted advice to new parents. Do you remember all the "sleep now, you'll never sleep again!" sort of wisdom people thought they'd bestow on you? God, we had heaps of it. And the thing is, until you are a parent, you just don't get it. You try, don't get me wrong, but you simply don't.

Until I was a parent, I never got:

-why people would bring other food for their toddler to a restaurant chock full of food. The answer for non-parents is if you want a quiet dinner, as we do, you'll bring whatever food and other paraphanelia to keep little bubba happy while you eat. Duh.

- why mothers would just let their screaming, loud, obnoxious toddler fling and wail on the floor of whatever store I was at in the mall- I mean, seriously, could you shut that kid up? The answer for non-parents is No. No, I cannot shut that kid up. That's why he's laying there kicking and screaming until he learns to shut himself up. If I could shut him up, I would have by now.

- Why would parents call and wake us non-parents up with a Saturday phone call at 9am? I mean seriously, the whole world is sleeping still, right? Umm, yeah, all those people were right. Once you have kids, you never sleep again. Well, maybe once they get into high school. Sleep until noon while you can, suckers!

- Why would a full-grown, college-educated adult have to stoop to bribing a toddler to do anything at all? Seriously, a lollipop to get into the car? Just put the kid in the car already! Until you have tried to lodge a tantrum-throwing demon of 30 pounds into a car seat, put them in a sitting sort of position, and buckle 5 damn straps, all the while being kicked in the chest and punched in the head simply because they don't want to go to the store, you don't have a clue of what bribery is worth. Sometimes, it's worth avoiding a black eye.

- Don't you watch anything but cartoons in this house? Umm, no. You can't watch any "adult" tv with a kid awake because it's either too violent and they pay attention or it's too boring and they want your attention. You don't get to watch tv until they go to bed. And by then, you're too exhausted to watch tv.

- Don't your kids ever listen to you? Believe me, they have selective hearing by age 2. Take my toddler for a while. You'll get it soon enough.

There are so many things that I wouldn't trade for the world, including the sleepless nights, the tantrums, the walking around with a closet in your purse/diaper bag to keep the little one happy. And all the things people told me, or I didn't understand, when I was a non-parent, I smile knowingly at now when passing another parent caught in the jaws of parenthood in public. And of all the things I could tell my friend and his wife, the one thing I think I'll tell them is this:

"You'll love the ride, and you'll understand so much more once you've been there."

How about you? What didn't you get until you were a parent?