Ramblings of a Busy Mind

Last night I was sitting on the couch, and Evan climbed into my lap. We were watching the Cubs game, and he was absent-mindedly patting my leg. He stopped mid-pat and looked at me incredulously. "Mommy?" he asked. "What is all this hurty stuff on your legs?" I laughed out loud and my husband turned to listen. "That's what happens when Mommy needs to shave her legs." Evan was ok with the explanation, and my husband chimed in happily, "Busted by a 4 year old!" Yes, I shaved my legs last night.

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Our best friends had their little twins after cooking them in the womb for 34 weeks. I'm so proud of my friend, I can't even explain. She did such a good job incubating them, she was so huge, and so uncomfortable, and so completely tired of months of best rest, yet she was still sad she couldn't control when her water broke. I went to see them twice in the hospital last week before they all got to go home. Yep, twins born at 34 weeks on Wednesday got to go home on Sunday. I'm still amazed. We're going to go see them again, and I get that stupid question from my sister-in-law, who means well, but I so hate the question- "does it make you sad?". NO. Stop asking that. Why would I be sad that our best friends who tried for 10 years to have another child and then gave up, and then were blessed with this miracle of not one, but TWO babies?? It gives me hope, is what it does.

Another reason I'm so proud of my friends is that they are not isolating themselves. They haven't turned into Mommy and Daddy addicts, where everything is about the twins and everything else in their lives gets cancelled out. I have too many friends who fall off the face of the earth after having kids, only to resurface a few years later to realize "Hey? Where'd everyone go?". They are already wanting to tote the kids around, go to BBQ's, and all while juggling two kids and no sleep. It's like they have already figured out that kids don't mean your lives have to end, they just change, and you adjust and keep living. I'm so proud of them. I was worried they'd hole up and disappear, but they won't. Whew!

Do I still want a baby. Hell ya! But let me tell you I will go and hold both those babies today and not feel sad for a second. They are real dreams come true.

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Lest this sound like a bitchfest, I need to clarify that the past 2 weeks, I've worked 60 hours a week. I work well into the night, get up early before the sun comes up, and am on my laptop all day long cooridinating some events, fundraising, grant-writing, etc. for work. I dream about the day that my organization is left a ton of money so 1) I can get a salary 2) I can hire my two dream assistants already picked out and waiting in the wings (you know, waiting until they can get those pesky salaries) 3) I can hire someone to do all the stuff that I do half-assed because there is no one else to do it.

I get easily frustrated when people shirk their responsibilities to this organization. At an event last weekend, EIGHT volunteers who signed up failed to show up. Do you know how much it pisses me off when people say "yes, yes, I love you guys and want to help and will give you my best for 3 hours on my weekend!" and we plan on them and count on them, and then they fail us. It makes me crazy. Adults who cannot commit to something need to stand up and say, "I'm sorry, I'd love to, but I need to say no." How hard is that? I don't get angry because people cannot help. I get angry because they don't have the balls to say so. Go, enjoy your lives, and stop fucking up my scheduling and planning! And then yesterday, I have 6 incredibly supporting people show up and donate 3 hours of their day to an event that fails miserably. Thankfully, I did not have to plan, fundraise, advertise, etc for this event, but here's why I love these people and they forever give me hope- they didn't whine. They didn't tell me they had other things to do, they didn't tell me that next time they could only come for an hour, or next time they would be busy or would maybe come. These people, these wonderful hearts, show up when they say they will, help like there's no tomorrow, and then go home and hopefully feel good about putting a dent in the world's problems. And what makes me prouder? They do it weekend after weekend after weekend. I know the reason we are successful each and every time they give up a weekend afternoon to help my organization. I couldn't control our failed event yesterday, but I can only tell each and everyone of them how proud I am of them for stepping up to the plate each and every time I need them. It hasn't always been like that, and we've culled some people who couldn't make time but kept promising to, and we've added some people who begged to join us and have proven themselves over and over again, but yesterday, the people who showed up and did their jobs made me proud. I love you guys.

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More later. I gotta get back to work.