New Olympic Category

They should have a category to see who can open a toy that has been packaged in China, complete with small parts, the fastest with the LEAST amount of damage to the package itself. It would be terribly difficult, and you would have to have nimble fingers and death defying fingernails, not to mention a sharp eye and extreme flexibility. Extra points could be given for not snapping those stupid clear rubber bands in half- you know, the ones that took over the thick twist ties like a bunch of locusts taking over a corn field? And no tools allowed. My guess is China would win this sport each and every time, since they are the ones that tie these toys down like gravity may just dissipate in an instant.

Remember when you were a kid? When Christmas morning you could go downstairs and just open your present? The toy may or may not have been inside a box, but you could almost always get it out yourself. Then came bubble packaging, the kind that forms to the figure inside so you can see it out of that cute little package unobstructed. More and more toys were hung up because of this stupid non-recyclable packaging, and the days of simple toy opening were slipping away. Then came anchors and twist ties and rubber bands in conjunction with the bubble packaging. Oh, and don't forget rubber cement. And now, evil invisible rubber bands the size of thread.

I just spent 20 minutes getting some stupid Littlest Pet Shop toys out of two little packages. I have a meeting today where a few smaller kids need to come with, so I used a gift card on some relatively gender-neutral pet-related toys for the kids to play with to keep them happy. Twenty Fucking Minutes of my life sapped away by some insane packaging demons. Why the rubber bands? Seriously? I couldn't get the toys out of the bubble plastic, much less think they may actually shift (Oh, the Horror!) in the package should a tornado come out of the sky and suck the package from my hands.

Christmas morning is going to be a nightmare this year. I'm going to stock up on Exacto knives, manicure scissors and wire cutters now, less Matchbox cars become the next victims of the toy industry's packaging demons.