8 Resolutions for 2009

I meant to post my resolutions for 2009 about a week ago, but one of my resolutions, "Get Organized", is taking some time to adjust to. So, while I am busy getting organized, my list of things to do just seems to expand, and then I don't want to do any of it, so it just disappears under a giant pile of "TO DO" crap on my desk. Oh well. I'm chipping away at that resolution.

So, resolutions suck. They do. We all make them, even if not out loud- we make stupid resolutions, like "Lose 50 lbs" or "Save lots of money", etc. Things that aren't simple, incremental, or, in most cases, doable. So, I made a Dummies Guide To Resolutions sort of resolution list. Here it is:

1. Organize my desk one paper at a time. If you know where it goes, put it away NOW.
2. Walk on the treadmill once each day, except Saturdays. Even if it's for only one minute.
3. Eat one vegetable a day (I know, terrible, right?)
4. Eat one fruit each day (yes, I'm that unhealthy!)
5. Fuck infertilty (more on this one in a bit)
6. Be thankful for one thing each day.
7. Kiss and hug my husband and son one extra time each day.
8. Breathe deeply once a day.

I know it may sound like a lot, but the thing is, I'm sticking to it so far. And I feel great. And none of them are life-alteiing, impossible to reach goals.

#1 is the hardest for me, as I get overwhelmed with the influx of work that comes into my office on a daily basis, and if I mentally shut down for one day, I'm a goner, and so is my desk. So I'm working on it one paper at a time, and so far, so good. I've kept up with #2 by walking to old Grey's Anatomy shows on DVD. I have the cutest little dvd player that fits right on the treadmill dashboard, hiding all the time/calories/speed etc crap that I tend to obsess over. And time goes by FAST. It's awesome. And easy to keep doing. #3 & 4 are simpler than "lose weight" or "eat healthier", and I'm finding I'm automatically replacing snacks with veggies & fruits to meet the goal, hence a healthier lifestyle. #6, 7, and 8 are all about being happier, and it's a given that when you concentrate on the good stuff, you are automatically a happier person. So onto #5.

Secondary Infertility sucks. Especially when you conceived your first child while on birth control and trying NOT to get pregnant. It's quite a blow when you think the second kid will be just as easy to conceive as the first, and it proves to be just the opposite. We're coming up on THREE YEARS of trying to have a second baby, with two miscarriages along the way. And for most of this past year, I was obsessed, since both miscarriages occurred in 2008. Our first pregnancy would have blessed us with a second child in October. The second one right around this upcoming Valentine's Day. So either way, it's been a rough road. I know the ins and outs of my body (no pun intended) and know things I never thought I would know nor need to know about my cycle each month. And I know now that if we ever conceive again, it will be a terrifying and white-knuckled journey. Ignorance is most definitely bliss.

I have been lucky and am thankful for the wonderful friends I have found on this bizarre journey, ones who have been through the same and much worse. There are nine women in all in this wonderful circle of friends, six of which have already given birth or are about to since we began the group. I'm happy for all of them and their babies, and they have helped me find an inner strength I never knew existed. So onto resolution #5- Fuck Infertility.

Instead of obsessing and hoping and wishing, I'm letting it go. I'm starting this year out with a battery of tests to see what the problem is, if any, and then we're done. We've discussed adoption, but it's not something we'll ever be able to afford if we want Evan to go to college, and we have a few medical options that aren't super expensive that we might try. But 2009 is the year of letting it go. I have given myself this year to get pregnant, and then we're done. And I am at complete peace with the decision. And, if I think of all the money we'll save on birth control for the next 15 years or so, we just might be able to go to Australia one day!

So, those are my resolutions. I think I'll be able to stick to all of them for once!