Day 473

Dear Diary,

Today is day 473 with my husband out of town. It has been the longest 473 days of my life.

Ok, well, that's what it feels like. Today is really day 3, and it's killing me. Literally, I'm losing my mind.

Today, I had my first meltdown. The kind of meltdown that comes from being overwhelmed and underslept and utterly frustrated. And I wrote an email to my husband, who I'm sure now thinks I'm on the verge of committing suicide, detailing the frustrations and breakdowns of the day. My neighbors, if they just heard me scream through the walls in a somewhat satanic voice "GO TO FREAKIN' SLEEP" may not be able to look me in the eye tomorrow. Because after putting little E. to bed for the FOURTH time, and having him sob for the FOURTH time at QUARTER TO MIDNIGHT, I freakin' had it.

So, my last attempt to be a good mom and to get my child to go to sleep was to yowl in my deepest, maddest voice. And it worked. So, of course, now I feel like Bad Mommy, so I came downstairs and sobbed and wrote a pathetic email to my husband, and a good fifteen minutes into my cry, I finally feel normal again. But for the love of God, are the two weeks up yet????

Of course, my son picks the worst days ever not to nap, today being one of them. I have four thousand things to do before a fundraiser in the morning, and of course, no time to do them. But even without the nap, I thought, "Oh good! An early night." Yeah, right.

So my two year old was awake from 7:45am to 11:45pm today, without a nap. Which meant my sanity drained somewhere around 2pm and never got a chance to recharge. I don't know how single moms do it. I have no idea. Nor do I ever want to know. Because although my husband isn't around all day, just the fact, just the IDEA of him coming home to us makes days like today better. But I still have to wait 11 days for that. I don't know if I can do it. I really don't.

Thankfully, tomorrow my mom is watching my son while I run this fundraiser, so I don't have to handle both simultaneously. Of course, there are other annoyances I must endure that will leave me short on patience and sanity by the time I pick him up. I'm mentally preparing for picking up an exhausted kid and having him fall asleep in the car on the way home at 6pm, waking up in our driveway completely recharged for another night of "Anti-sleep".

Please tell me when day 14 is here. Please.