Summer Love

Guess who is Evan's best friend these days?

Pucker Up, Baby!

So I'm upstairs putting some laundry away, and I hear a giggle, something metal and hollow like get banged into something a few times, more giggling, a little fake whistling (Evan likes to pretend he can whistle by simply Woot-wooing in a high pitched tone to songs), and more giggling. This is in a span of, oh, 30 seconds.

"Evan, what are you doing?"

No answer. Always a bad sign. But there it is again, that hollow metallic-like sound.

So, I drop what I am doing and rush down the hall, only to smell Evan before I actually see him. What is that smell? Sniff sniff. S'mores??

Evan makes it to the top stair and yells, Ta-DA! Arms flung wide, he meets me with a smile that is hidden behind a gigantic smear of chocolate. I am puzzled. Where did he get chocolate?

"Mommy, I made a dwink!" Uh oh.

So, I peer over the railing into the family room below, and there on the coffee table is the explanation for the hollow metallic-like boing I had heard. The can of Ovaltine is on it's side, and the coffee table is dusted in the powdery drink mix. A sippy cup with a lid halfway on is parked right in the middle of it.

I stop to ponder the damage, and Evan says again, "Mommy, I made a dwink! It was yummy!"

His hair, his face, his shirt, his hands, and even his feet are covered in heavenly chocolate dust. He is very proud of this accomplishment. I can't help but laugh. He looks and smells good enough to eat.

"Now into the tub!"

Pucker up, baby! I've got lips like sugar!

Remember To...

It's 10am on Memorial Day, and our house is quiet. Russ has gone to the townhouse to take care of a few last minute things before the closing this week, the dogs are passed out on the floor downstairs, and Evan is passed out on the floor in his room still sleeping soundly from whenever it was he slithered out of his bed in the first place. Mornings like this, I relish. I got up at 7am, made some coffee, let the dogs out, and read an entire book. The sun is out, the weather is perfect, and we have a whole day off of work to savor each minute. Days like this are precious and few, and make it hard to remember what it was like when almost every day was like this.

Our neighbors next door have 3 kids, all wonderful, well-adjusted kids that you enjoy talking to, that you think "wow, I hope my kids turn out to be so nice" each time you interact with them. The two girls are 14 and 15, the boy is 10, and all of them actually seek out playtime with Evan. Evan thrills each time they appear outside, asking repeatedly if he can play with them. I am trying to teach him that he has to wait for an invitation, that he can't always play with the big kids, but each time, they show him incredible kindness by asking if they can play with him. My heart swells each time this happens, leaping at the overwhelming look of joy on his face as the big kids come into the yard. Sometimes they ask if he can come over, and they help him up onto their giant hammock, or kick around a soccer ball in a half-hearted attempt to teach him the game. He is overjoyed and ecstatic each second he is with them.

The first time they invited him over, we had only been in the new house for one day. They invited him over to join in their kickball game. Evan was on cloud nine. He ran in circles, fell to the ground, jumped, cheered, and did everything the wrong way, and still they laughed and clapped and helped him. But when it was time for them to eat dinner, he didn't understand, didn't want to accept that the fun had to end. We tried to explain that these kids would always be next door, that they were our neighbors, that they would play with him again, yet his heart was shattered into a million pieces. He cried, he sobbed, he screamed. I had to explain to the young boy next door that this would happen a few times until Evan learned that they would be back and to just say that they would see him later. It took a few times, but now Evan gives a nonchalant little wave, says, "Bye guys. I gotta go inside now!" when they have to leave, just like all the other kids do. It kills me, it's so cute.

I've watched Evan's social skills grow by leaps and bounds over the last few weeks, and it makes me proud. I can always tell the kids who stay home with their moms (like Evan), versus the kids who go to daycare by how they interact with kids their own age. Evan really doesn't want to interact with kids his own age. He REALLY wants to play with the big kids. At the park, he chooses to play with the 5 year old little girl versus the two or three toddler boys that are available to play with. He LOVES her, wants nothing to do with the toddlers who don't throw to him, chase him, teach him the ways of the world. Should I be worried? I'm not. He reminds me of me- I always liked hanging out with the bigger kids, talking with the adults at holiday gatherings, admired my teachers and the professionals who seemed to have that key to the locked world. I hope it helps him to seek, to search, to learn, and to embrace all the challenges that are to come in his lifetime.

As I type this, he is still sleeping, and my mind wanders to the wondering of how empty life was before him. What did I do with my spare time? How did I take advantage of quiet moments like this? The answer is that I never knew how precious these moments were, so I'm sure I never did anything meaningful or reveled in the moment of peace like I do now. But I would rather have a lifetime of Naughty Steps, temper tantrums, spilled water bowls, and largely scrawled alphabet letters on freshly painted walls than to ever go back to the Life Before. Before Evan, life didn't sparkle as much as it does now. Life was not as beautiful or meaningful or as simple. Yes, simple.

Before Evan, life was about work, money, debt, relationships, hunger, weight, etc. Stupid issues bringing empty complications to life in general. Yes, those issues still exist, but now, if you gave me the choice between losing 30 lbs and being able to stay home with my son, I'd stay home. If the choice were between getting a million dollars or staying home with my son, I'd stay home. I'm not kidding. The choice, the meaning of everything I do now, is simple. It's Evan. These minutes that tick by so quickly are ones we never get back. I think of all the minutes my parents missed, my dad missed especially, in my own life, and wonder if they ever wish they could get them back. There are days where I spend too much time on the computer, that at the end of the day, I regret it. I didn't need to be working just then. I could have been coloring or playing tag, or just snuggling. I'm lucky that we get a lot more time doing that sort of thing because I am home during the day, but I work from home as well, so at times, I feel guilty for working when he's right there and I'm missing him.

Soon there will be far too many quiet moments again- Evan will start school eventually, and I will become less and less a part of his day, though I will still be important. I want to be the kind of mom mine never was, which is something we all strive to be I'm sure, but at the same time, I know I will make mistakes that, someday, he will say to either me or himself, "Mom, if you had only done it differently." I don't care. All I know is that something that I will do differently than my own mother is that I will shower my child with love and affection to the point he may think I am overbearing. I will take the definition of overbearing any day. It is far less hurtful than the lack of interest my own mother has in mine and my brother's life. But that's for another post. My point is, my life used to be full of quiet, non-eventful, non-meaningful moments that parallel this morning- I got up, I read, I did what I wanted. But now, I know that any moment, Evan will awaken and the day will become a whole new adventure, a new learning experience that I will get to share with him.

So now, I hear Evan stirring, and I am excited that he is finally awake. In a second, he'll pitter patter down the hall, a smile on his face in his Batman pajamas, and I'll ask him if he's had a good sleep. Our day will begin. I've had my "me" time, and now it is time for him. I hope that each one of you enjoys this day, takes time to breathe and enjoy whatever it is that is important in your life. This life is so fleeting, that days off with the ones we love, no matter what the occasion, are worth their weight in happiness.

Happy Memorial Day! I wish you all a day of happiness and love.

For The Next Kid

My friend at Back To Me has already decided that, with the birth of their first child, they will be using good, old-fashioned cloth diapers. While I can't say that I am envious, I can say that she is stepping into a brave, new old-world, that at my Greenest, I will never step into. I'm too lazy and have way too many dogs that would enjoy soiled cloth diapers awaiting laundrying.

However, I know that with the thousands of disposable diapers my soon-to-be 3 year old has gone through, I'll need to make some conscious decision with the next kid in the diapering decision. Only did I just learn that chlorine is one of the main chemicals used in making disposable diapers- ugh. Sorry buddy! I didn't know!

So, in doing some research, I found these. And, I think I can handle these babies no problem. What do you think? Could you handle these versus disposables? Versus Cloth?

I'm intrigued. Now we just have to have Mother Nature take it's course so I can try them out on the next offspring!

Greenish and Getting Greener

So, the 30 days is pretty much up, and I'd like to report on us going "Greener".

Here are my reviews for a few of the products we've used:
1. Seventh Generation Products- basically, 2 thumbs up for everything except the dishwasher detergent. I might as well just put the dishes on the floor and let the dogs lick them clean. They'd do a better job. However, I am in love with the laundry detergent, chlorine-free bleach, and fabric softener. It's just a great feeling to put on clothes knowing they haven't just been doused in chemicals and called "clean".

2. Method (available at Target)- we bought the plant-based fabric softener sheets first. Oh my, the laundry smells awesome. And, earth-friendly bonus, you use the sheets multiple times before throwing them away! We've also tried the glass cleaner (great!), the soy candles (yummy!), and the hand soap. Over all, we've cut our chemical consumption by 95%, and will go to 100% as soon as I can find something to take lime off the damn shower walls without chemicals.

3. Organic foods- we're probably only at 40% consumption here. It's expensive, but sooo good. But, as a bonus, I found an organic place that delivers produce and meat, and a small selection of pantry goods, so I don't need to go to Whole Foods. Dominick's has a much bigger selection of Organics than it used to, but I'm not sure I'm trusting it all the way, especially the milk. But, as more and more is discovered with the whole pet food/people food tainting by China, I think we'll be all organic within a couple of months. I just can't justify taking the risk and poisoning my family.

4. All lightbulbs in the house are now energy-saving. All laundry, minus the stinky dog beds, are washed in cold water. And we've only turned on the air conditioner once thus far.

So, that's my "Greenish" report on what we're doing to go "Green". Not bad for 30 days time!

Another Reason to Buy USA

Egads. I'm going to buy everything organic shortly here. Anyone get the idea China is testing the waters to see how they can poison the rest of the world?

Tainted Toothpaste Recalled

Bloody Murder

AAAAAAAAAAEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

Imagine that noise in the highest pitched, loudest volume possible, and that is Evan's new addition to a temper tantrum. It's priceless. Really. You should all hear it sometime. Soon.

Thanks to my friend at Speckblog, today we have initiated the "Naughty Spot" where timeouts will now, hopefully, be successful. So far, so good. I chose "Spot" over "Seat" or "Step" because we're on the go so much. I figure this way I can designate something as the "Naughty Spot" and it's the basically the same thing as the "Naughty Mat" that is suggested you take with you to places - I hope.

Today, the Naughty Spot was used successfully 5 times. The kid is breaking it in well.

Naughty Spot 1. Hitting Mommy
Naughty Spot 2. Hitting Mommy
Naughty Spot 3. Pure Defiance while walking away from Mommy after an instruction.
Naughty Spot 4. Hitting Mommy
Naughty Spot 5. Dumping Popcorn all over the chair and then saying, "NO, YOU DO IT!" when I asked him to clean it up.

There was a threat for Naughty Spot 6 when Evan decided to throw his toybox over sideways, spilling toys everywhere. He knows he is not allowed to do that, so I asked him to clean it up and he said, "NO!". I said, "Do you want to go to the Naughty Spot?". He actually paused and then said, "No, I don't like the Naughty Spot." Then I told him to clean it up and there would be no Naughty Spot, and sure enough, the kid cleaned it up.

Of course, we still have a couple hours to go here, but so far, it's working. I stay calm, he calms down eventually instead of getting riled up, and he seems to get the point when we're done. Today was a good day. Thanks Krissy!

Smack Down!

What on earth do you do with an almost-3 year old whose first response to anger is to hit, punch, or slap you?

I'm at my wit's end. The boy is such a boy, but damn, stop hitting me. I have tried time outs (ummm, I don't even really get them, so they totally don't work in this house), taking things away, and yes, even spanking on his diapered bottom, which is a last resort, but at the same time, doesn't that just go against the "don't hit" rule I'm trying to teach him? Daddy slapped his hands yesterday for a lovely episode where Evan got mad, came right up to Daddy, and tried to punch him as hard as he could for not being allowed to go outside. It shocked him, and made him even more angry, where he came back with another punch and got his other hand slapped. Sigh.

We're working on "using our words" and "tell me why you're mad", but it's slow going. I want my child to be able to communicate in a healthy way, but wow, can I see how parents can lose it. Those parents on tv who, when I had an innocent beautiful speechless infant in my arms, I could not fathom how they hurt their children, but now, I can see how easy it could be to cross the line. I won't, don't worry, I'm well-trained in the walk-away-until-you-no-longer-see-purple stage, but it's understandable how it happens. Still not acceptable, by any means, but I can see how it happens now. There nothing worse than a toddler beating you (literally) and challenging every word that comes out of your mouth. I have walked away about half a dozen times this week.

For example, our conversation yesterday:
E: I want to go outside!
Me: No, buddy, not right now. We need to eat dinner.
E: I want to go outside NOW!
Me: I said no. You can go outside later.
E: NOOOO!
Me: Sit down at the table.
E: NOOOO!
Me: Sit down or you will not go outside tonight.
E: NOOOO! I WILL GO OUTSIDE. YOU A BAD MOMMY! I NO SIT DOWN!
Me: Sit down now, or go to bed.
E: NOOOO! I NOT GO TO BED!

Ok, so you get the idea. We have this conversation in this style for everything from bedtime to picking out something to drink. The child is insane in the challenge department. The other day, I sat in his room and just sobbed after one of these little conversations, not knowing what to do next other than strong-arming him into doing something. Of course, he became my sweet mushy lovey kid and told me "Mommy, you no cry. It's O-Tay! No cry mommy." When I couldn't stop crying, blubbering to my 2 year old that he makes mommy sad when he doesn't listen, he started crying and in a heart-wrenching fashion, looked right at me through his tears and said, "No! I no make mommy sad. You make Evan sad!" Manipulation at it's finest.

I'm open to suggestions here, folks. I cannot fathom where we go from here. He's a damn smart kid, which makes this harder. I don't want to bribe him, or negotiate with him on certain things. He's TWO for crying out loud. Why am I arguing with a 2 year old?? I can tell that talking to him is working a bit, but it's not instant, and there is no consequence. Daddy slapping him on the hands made him think twice about hitting Daddy, but not Mommy. Because Daddy is his buddy, and I am Evil Mommy these days (did he turn 14 or something while I wasn't looking???). He needs consequences that he can understand, but here's the thing- he seems to enjoy the consequences.

We've been trying to get him not to dump over the bowl of water for the dogs outside. It's his favorite look what I did when you weren't looking thing right now. So, I had a friend over, he dumps the bowl over, and I thought we'd try throwing out a toy for each time he did that. I'll be damned if that kid didn't happily pick out a toy each time and go put it in the garbage. And yes, I followed through. I always follow through. I don't want to be the mommy that caves and gives idle threats. I want what I say to mean something. But when he happily follows the consequences, what next? I swear, he enjoys it because it baffles me. My friend sat open mouthed as he happily carried each toy to the garbage and dumped it in. "Is that normal?" she asked. I have no clue. Probably not. But I swear, he wore a wicked smirk while he did it. I swear, he knew what he was doing. And no, I haven't asked him to throw out any more toys.

So where do we go in this wrestling match for control and manners and listening skills? Hell if I know. Any suggestions?

Q: How much does it cost to swallow 20 cents?

A: $6862.73.

Thank god for insurance.

The New Casa

I am in love.

I love mowing my yard.
I love wacking weeds.
I love having a fence.
I love my new house.

I am in love.

Yes, we've been in the house for 3 weeks now, first without a phone and then without DSL (GASP!), but now we finally have both, so I will update more regularly.

Our house is fun and we are finding disasters everywhere, but we love it. It's so nice to not share a driveway, a wall, or a yard. It's so nice that it is all ours.

I am in love with my new house!

It's Pouring... Part Deux

For the walk-through on our townhouse, I simply let the home inspector in. Granted, we hadn't been in the house for 1 week, but I didn't need to be there, so I let him in and left.

Fast forward to a phone call 2 hours later:
Hubby: "We are such idiots."
Me: "What?! What's wrong?!"
Hubby: "We left the shower head hanging outside of the tub. We have a ton of water damage in the family room and basement."
Me: "Shit."

See, really what happened is that our master bath shower head has leaked for, oh, a century. We are the kings of wasting water in stupid ways, that being the top of the list. After hounding my husband for 3 years to fix it, I called my dad, who tried to fix it, but didn't have a part, so they "rigged" it, and it fixed it for about a week. Then, the leak was slower, but still there.

Because of the constant dripping, the shower head holder had fallen off the wall repeatedly, because my hubby was too worried about drilling a hole in the marble wall to mount it properly. So we stuck it up there with double stick tape. No, I'm serious.

So, while we were gone, the shower holder unstuck, dropping the leaky shower head, which must have ricocheted off the faucet and landed outside of the tub, where it leaked for at least 3 days onto the bathroom floor. The water leaked down behind the toilet, down into our family room, and continued on into the basement. And this is what our prospective home buyers and their inspector walked in on. Fuck.

The wall and ceiling of our family room had to be totally carved out and replastered, which we were lucky enough to have stumbled upon the greatest handy man team in America, who came out SAME DAY and had it finsihed SAME DAY, for less than $300. Dude, they rock my world.

And other than freaking out a bit and asking for some ridiculous things, our buyers are still buying. Thank god.

I can't take any more rain!